Timmy's Shuttered Eyebrow

Did you stop by the opening of Frank Raia and Timmy Occhipinti's 'One Hoboken' Campaign HQ on Monday, September 23?

One Hoboken invited all of us to Monday's opening of their HQ at 322 Washington Street on Facebook.   I'll bet they got quite a turn-out.

In fact, here is an imaginary email I received from an irate Hoboken resident who did attend the  opening.

(GA learned this imaginary-letter-to-myself trick from Perry Klaussen of Hoboken411 who hasn't received an authentic email from the public since he last washed his Smithsonian-bound shorts.)

Dear GA,

I am a longtime Hoboken resident and undecided voter.  I don't follow politics and the expression "low information voter" describes me. In fact I have to take my shoes and socks off in the voting booth and name my toes for each candidate and wiggle them around. I enjoy that. Wiggling. Then I sing "eenie meenie miney moe, catch a mayor by the toe..." and vote for the winning digit. 

That's how I USED TO do it. 

NOT ANY MORE. Because on Monday I stopped by the opening of the One Hoboken headquarters after Tim Occhipinti Frank Raia, Peter Biancamano and Brit Montgomery invited me on Facebook.  Guess what?  The place was dark, empty, no campaign signs or stuff anywhere inside or outside except for a big 'For Lease' sign in the window! Adding insult to injury the sign above said "The Eyebrow Place".  So not only couldn't I get a handshake or free balloon, but I couldn't wax my gigantic uni-brow which looks like a hairy black caterpillar napping over my eyes.

I left irate, unsatisfied, and hairy. 

What kind of candidates invite you to their headquarters and the place is a dark, empty, unoccupied storefront?  Are we supposed to vote for people who are such poor managers they can't open their own headquarters on schedule? They're breaking promises to Hoboken BEFORE they get elected?

If they can't run a campaign, how can they run a CITY?

I'm leaving my socks on in the voting booth this time.  

Thank you irate, imaginary letter-writer.

I don't blame you for being irate.  Imagine the hundreds of disappointed Hoboken residents who showed up on Monday at that empty storefront expecting a free snack or a button.

Ah well.

Perhaps if Timmy hadn't used his 2015 municipal campaign funds as a petty cash fund he'd have enough loot to open his headquarters.