R.A.T. (Recording Affidavit Touchscreen)

The following is satire submitted to GA by reader 'GrafixGroupeeGangsta'

City Hall, always the leader in high technology, releases a new app for all those weary souls worried about their next encounter with Carmelo Garcia:

R.A.T. (Recording Affidavit Touchscreen)
This incredible breakthrough in mobile technology allows you to always get an on-the-fly confirmation from Carmelo Garcia that he is not carrying or using a recording device during his conversation with you. You don't need to fill in Carmelo Garcia's name, and the convenient app already time/date stamps the affidavit when Carmelo touches the screen. The affidavit text is already set up and ready for Carmelo, it reads:
I, Carmelo Garcia, do solemnly swear that I am not currently operating or wearing in any concealed fashion a recording device or any means by which I may record this conversation.
Download and keep this app at the ready - available for iPhone and android devices (sorry no windows version yet) - just in case you bump into Carmelo Garcia, then follow these easy 3 steps:

Step 1: Start the R.A.T. app as Carmelo Garcia approaches
Step 2: Ask Carmelo to touch the screen on the check box next to the affidavit text
Step 3: Carry on with your conversation in full confidence you won't get ratted out or extorted afterwards

User Reviews:

"I started using R.A.T. app after I heard about Carmelo Garcia recording all his extortion-bent conversations. Since then I haven't even been sued once by Louis Zayas. It's amazing!"

"I was a bit suspicious whether this app was really going to make it easier to get an affidavit from Carmelo Garcia that he isn't wearing a wire, but after a few encounters with him at Teak, I realized that this is a really useful productivity tool. Imagine, no more paper and ink, just ask him to tap the screen, and talk away!"


  1. Wannabe Triple G GangsterAugust 20, 2013 at 9:14 AM

    Badly want to join this intrepid group 'GrafixGroupeeGangsta.'
    Please let all of us wannabe gangsters know how we can sign up.

    From what's heard on the streets, Carmelo Garcia was taping people since last December, others think it was for far longer, going back years.

    Can't wait to try out this new app on my Android.

  2. I had a dream of the transcripts of Linda Tripp & Monica Lewinsky. LOL

    1. you did? I always thought Tripp was a guy in drag.

  3. Goodness Gracious GA, who knew you could write code! This app is fantastic, how much and what is your cut?

    1. I can't! The app is the handiwork of GGGangsta.

      His price appears to be $39.98 X 2 plus shipping and handling.

      I think the 'shipping and handling' is where you take it up the you-know... and you won't feel it until you see your credit card statement. By that time you'll be so smitten with your R.A.T. that you'll pay it no questions asked. And none answered.

      I would like a cut. How about 5% off the net profits. Too much? Too little? Just right?

  4. R.A.T. - (Rectum Alsolutely Torn!) LOL

  5. Funny, I thought that CG played with gerbils.


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