BREAKING: Mike Russo Emancipates Church Towers

HOBOKEN, NJ-  In a stunning follow-up to Hoboken Councilman Russo's attack on the Zimmer Administration's opposition to buildings without back-up generators, handicapped accessibility and hazardous ground-floor parking, the Councilman has announced a new policy to end discrimination against the residents of Church Towers.

It started at Wednesday night's City Council meeting, when Councilman Russo declared,  "It is racist to provide back-up generators and handicapped accessibility for the new Vision 20/20 development."

Russo continued, "Minorities living in the HHA are entitled to hazardous ground floor parking, and buildings without generators. (Mayor) Zimmer is racist to oppose construction of these life-threatening conditions for HHA residents which I and my developer friends fully support."

"Not to mention HHA Executive Director Carmelo Garcia, who has done an excellent job... what with a meth lab, 6 HHA buildings without fire suppression, wasting a grant he was given after Hurricane Irene to lift generators, elevators with $385K rubber flooring to keep pee from leaking out, and a murder here and there- with all of those successes, it's amazing he has time for a second full-time job in Trenton!"

Councilman Russo's new focus on righting social injustice and combating racism has resulted in his announcement  at a press conference earlier today.   Russo introduced what he called his "Emancipation Proclamation" to dismantle racist policies against the residents of Church Towers.

He stated, "For too long, the white people of Church Towers have been restricted from living with our Hispanic and African American neighbors.  It is time to dismantle the racist policies against the whites of Church Towers and allow them to live with people of all colors and ethnicities.  It is time to allow my white friends to live in buildings without fire suppression systems, with elevators wearing rubber diapers and in buildings  without generators. It's only fair for them to enjoy the same standard of living others do."

Russo also said that the list to get into Church Towers would be discarded in favor of a lottery system.

"It'll be like Bingo", Russo said. "Mom will stick her hand in a pail and pull out a number."

Mayor Zimmer was unavailable for comment.