A Snail Mail Tale

Councilwoman Beth Mason's letter with her set of 'facts' on the Doyle lawsuit

GA has received several scanned copies of Councilwoman Beth Mason's 'snail mail' letter which went out city-wide a few days ago.  You may have gotten one or read a copy yourself.

I don't know what you thought of it.

Here's the story it told me.  I call it A Snail Mail Tale:

 Once upon a time... 
a Lady of Privilege who lived in a castle was driven mad by her fruitless quest for the kingdom's crown.   The Lady's hatred for the Modest Woman who wore the crown consumed the decency she once possessed, and so she became Strange; without compassion for the people who had once admired her.

Unbeknownst to the people, the Lady had turned to a Dark Lord whose family once reigned over the land in The Time of Looting and Pillaging.  She asked the Dark Lord to support her quest for the crown; in exchange, he would pick 3 of her royal consorts.  The Dark Lord consented,  thus the Lady  forged an alliance with him (according to the Dark Lord on F.B.I. surveillance tape).

Feeling betrayed by the Lady's behavior, the People turned to the Modest Woman, who showed compassion and interest in their problems.  So they rewarded  the Woman with the crown and she wore it with Grace.

That enraged the Lady.

To sate her thirst for revenge she gathered a band of misfits and misanthropes: a fish, a wrestler, a bar keep, a pair of lunatics, father and son paparazzi, to attack the Modest Woman, her administration and her most outspoken supporters.

And so they did.   The Lady's henchman showed up at the City Council, HHA and ZBA, to bully and bellow and film.  They tormented Sir Ian of Sacs.  They demanded the emails of Knights Juan and Dan after an associate of the Dark Lord had 'allegedly' hacked them.  Familiar voices posted anonymous internet attacks.  One bullied a mom in the presence of her 5 year-old child and cursed an elected official at an HHA meeting.  Others orchestrated a Nazi Truck.

Did this win the respect of the People?   No. 

Repulsed by the Lady's vindictive, distasteful and mean-spirited bullying (via her naughty knaves)  and her Nazi Truck, she lost an election (saving the schools from a return to Looting and Pillaging).

Now the Lady was furious, and wanted to wreak vengeance upon the People.

Here is how she did it: when it came time to vote to fill a vacant Council seat, the Lady was absent. (She claimed to be in Italy, but witnesses said otherwise)   Sir Jim of Doyle was nominated.  The vote was 4 (yes)- 2 (no)- 1(abstained), causing the Modest Woman to step up and cast a 5th vote.

What did the vexed Lady do?

She filed a lawsuit against Sir Jim of Doyle!  Without regard for the People's money!

Defending the ousted Sir Jim of Doyle was a costly matter.   The Lady's lawsuit siphoned cash from the Kingdom's coffers.  Worse: ousting Sir Jim paralyzed the Kingdom's legislative body.

Then what happened?

A terrible hurricane named Sandy ravaged the land, flooding homes, destroying public and private property.    The Modest Woman responded magnificently to help the People, yet the legislative body was paralyzed without Sir Jim.   And so the People cried "Stop the madness!  Stop the lawsuit!  Allow Sir Jim of Doyle to be voted upon so that government may work for us in this time of emergency and recovery!"   

Out of hatred for the Modest Woman (now more beloved than ever), the heartless Lady ignored their cries and raisied money for other kingdoms and a 527 political committee.   Word quickly spread of the Lady's Nazi trucks and lawsuits.  No one RSVPed to her fundraiser so busloads of old folks were lured to fill empty chairs with the offer of a freebie meal.

And Sir Jim?  A Judge stopped him from serving while inviting the Kingdom to petition the court to FORCE the obstructionists to attend a vote.  And it came to pass.  An appeal failed.  The knaves were forced to attend a vote on the Council vacancy this week.  And the words of Sir Philip of Cohen resonated with the People:
It’s simply amazing, and incredibly disappointing, that it took Judge Bariso in December, and then the New Jersey Appellate Division last Friday, to force four of our council people to show up and vote at one time on whether to appoint Jim Doyle to the City Council, given the real work  we face in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy’s devastation.  But I thank Judge Bariso for being the “adult in the room” and telling our council people “to go to work”, “do your job” and stop the nonsense.

Cast an honest vote.  Vote yes or no.
Stop wasting the People’s money. 
And the vote?  It was 4 (yes)- 2 (no) -2 (abstained).   Hoorah! Sir Jim WON!   He will be sworn in pending judicial review.

As for the Lady, aware she had earned the scorn of the People, filled their mailboxes with a snail mail so riddled with bullshit that scans quickly filled the Inbox of Lady G of A.  And that's the Snail Mail Tale.

The End

 Quite a tale, no?


  1. Sounds like Shrek. Maybe we'll have a similar ending.

  2. Can't wait for the last chapter when the Lady of Privilege is banished.

    Before Mason was elected, she sued the city often and Castellano would shriek at her from the dais to stop the lawsuits. Too bad we didn't have video in council chambers then. Now they are BFFs and the cause of the lawsuits.

  3. Bravo!!!!!!!!!Jim Doyle..Bravo too you Grafix for open and honest Blog..Peace Jimmy

  4. I like it. I think you've got the makings of a new serialized piece a la the felafel invitations to the FBI (which only the malevolent and brain-dead regard as actual 'threats').

    I hear there are a couple of fables brewing right now with serious ramifications for the little councilperson who couldn't.

  5. GA - in case you did not know it you penned a Fractured Fairytale. Make htis post into a book, a series, the possibilities are effing endless. Probably one of the funniest posts you have ever written. How about writing one about the ogre under the bridge harassing the fair Countess in charge of teaching the children of the village. Great stuff.


Post a Comment