Dead Letter to the Editor

 by Greg Lincoln

Dear Friends and Neighbors,

There have been disturbing trends of note lately, warning signs of grave danger to us all. We see them on TV and in other media, but dismiss it because we think it could never happen in Hoboken.

I am talking about Zombies.

Let’s face the facts: the Zombie Apocolypse is inevitable, it is not a myth. Zombies are not just a fad or a fashion, they could end human society as we know it. And Hoboken is no safer than anywhere else from the undead menace.

Zombies have been spotted in Hoboken. The threat is imminent, and the time to act is now.

I live in the 3rd Ward, and unfortunately, I know Councilman Michael Russo has done nothing to prepare our ward or our city for the invasion of the walking dead. Nothing has been done to educate the members of our ward, nothing to prepare emergency supplies, nothing to care for the elderly. Much like when Hurricane Irene came, he’s leaving all the work for the Mayor to do.

This isn’t entirely unexpected, as Mike Russo tends to do a lot of talking but takes no positive action. He has yet to do anything to bring us the 3rd Ward park he promised. The Mayor has pretty much done all the work to relieve the flooding and road paving situation in the 3rd Ward, with little or no effort on Mike’s part.

But there seems to be something even more nefarious going on here. Councilman Russo seems to be taking steps to ensure that the Zombie Apocalypse will impact the 3rd Ward directly. He voted to shut down the hospital (in the 3rd Ward), which would remove any hope of care for those injured or infected by Zombies. His family refuses to pay the $300,000+ still owed to the city, which could be used for supplies with which to protect ourselves from the undead horde.

These actions beg the question: Is Michael Russo trying to let Hoboken be overrun by an army of the undead?

Mike Russo, King of the Zombies?

Perhaps he wants members of the 3rd Ward to have their brains eaten and further turned into Zombies themselves. It certainly puts a new spin on “I do for you, you do for me.” It is possible he plans to sacrifice all the living in Hoboken? Perhaps he thinks he can be the leader of the Zombies?

A good Zombie votes as he is told.

It raises more and more questions: Can the undead vote? Would Russo support more Zombies like Tim Occhipinti to be on the City Council? Do we need to institute Brain-to-Play laws? How would Russo control the Zombies? And how did he get involved in necromancy in the first place?

It takes brains to sustain evil plans.  Lots and lots of brains.

In all fairness, this may just be speculation mixed with circumstantial evidence. It is perfectly reasonable to expect Councilman Russo to simply flee the undead masses and try his best to defend his family in the Shore house he bought from his father for $1 (in order to allow his father to divest himself of assets with which to pay his fine.)

Teaching his son a new kind of corruption.

Meanwhile, those of us that are stuck here need to take action. I propose we stage a protest today (Monday, Oct 31st) at 3:30 p.m. We will meet at 13th and Washington and march towards Stevens Park. I hope this protest will raise awareness that we need to act as a City to prepare. I advise bringing your children (disguised, if needed) to make sure they are safe from Zombies.


Greg Lincoln