A Nutty Cautionary Tale

Have you ever gotten your nuts get caught in a vending machine?  Both of them?

It happened to me last night.

I ran out for a meeting without eating dinner and sometime around 9 pm, starved, took my last 2 dollars to a vending machine and chose the 'healthy' snack- a cashew-almond mix.   So I fed one of my dollars to the machine and waited for the bag to drop down.

It never did. It got stuck and was dangling down, taunting me from it's metal holder.

Nyah nyah nyah nyah-nyah... you can't eat me!

"My nuts are stuck!"  I cried,   "my nuts got caught in the vending machine!"

I was in the basement of  City Hall.

A gentleman hearing my cries, gallantly bought a Snickers bar adjacent to my suspended nut-sack, expecting to knock it down.

Nope.  The Snickers bar fell but my nuts were still squeezed tightly.

Have you ever had your nuts squeezed?  It was awful.

"F*ck!"  I hissed.

This was my dinner.  I had to have it.

So I fed my last dollar to the machine for a second bag of nuts. This caused the first to drop, but then the second got stuck-- half-in,  half-out of it's metal holder.

"My nuts are stuck AGAIN!",  I wailed.

Another gentleman came to my aid and grabbed the vending machine like a sumo wrestler , tipping it maybe 5 or 10 degrees forward.

Voila!    Thank you, Sir Isaac Newton!

Gravity dropped my nuts, and thank goodness they weren't busted!

Have you ever had your nuts busted?

Anyway, I'm bothering to recount this for you as a warning: if you're ever in the basement of City Hall, DO NOT mess with the vending machine because it'll grab your your nuts and squeeze them.

Get the Snickers bar instead.