Laundry Man

Mike Novak does the laundry

GA doesn't do online social networking. No Facebook, no Twitter, no MySpace, no LinkedIn. None of it. It's not my bag.

So I find out what's going on in that universe from friends who tell me what they think I need to know.

And I've been told I have a new boyfriend. He tweets about me! It must be love wafting through the air. Or is it mud?

Well, I just think my new boyfriend is PERFECT. Why? Because he does laundry.

The way to a woman's heart.

My new boyfriend launders ALL KINDS of things... by that I mean 'information'. Isn't he a dreamboat? Amazing how what he TWEETS about on Friday turns up on Hoboken411 on Monday! And how did he KNOW that stuff in the first place? Well... pass the detergent!

And do you know what else my guy does?

He makes phone calls for smear merchants while acting helpful, but won't reveal the identities of those who've made "complaints" so the hit-job can go forward. What a guy. Pretending to love me but neck-deep in the Washington PAC, influence-peddling NJDC smear-campaign.

Then, he texted sweet nothings on Twitter where he called me:

See how my boyfriend lies like a rug?

See how he uses me as a proxy to hurt Zimmer?

My guy is ambitious; he's even hooked up with Paul Swibinski. Does that mean he's going to run against his cousin in the 1st ward? Oh, I can tell you more... juicy, juicy.

But, I want to talk about other things. And I will. Unless my guy makes me talk about him.

Forget me, sweetheart. There are bigger fish to fry than a lowly blogger. I'm not a politician. I'm a mom. With a daughter.

Like you.

But we all know this is a smoke screen for the AG election fraud investigation, the Mason circumvention of ELEC rules, the attempt to slaughter the Corner Cars program, and so on.

Those are worth talking about. Not me.

Find yourself another, my darling. It's just not in the stars for us.


  1. Quite a quandary for us at RFC. Mr. Nowak is a religious follower of our... product. Our independent, vaguely scientific research does in fact show that following RFC on twitter typically raises the average IQ by 200 points. And if you're following us, face it, your IQ is average. So who are we to discourage?

    We hope by this time next year to raise our community profile from media whores to media strumpets, and finally settle in as media courtesans. Until that magical, all-major-credit-cards-accepted day, our opinions will generally be tempered by a gooey mixture of sloth and avarice. Probably after we hit it big too. More so in fact.

    Speaking of which - coming soon on RFC - holiday programming from... The Profanity Channel. Nat King Cole like you can't even imagine. Stay tuned...

  2. Thank you for the heads up, Griswell. I just stuffed a few extra shekels in the GA piggy bank... it should be up to your 10-dollar subscription fee in about... um, I'm not sure.

    About Mr. Novak, I can understand your quandary. His neighbor is a good friend of mine and she'd always told me what a nice guy he was. So I assumed he was. Big mistake. What a disingenuous person (Novak). Among other things I've discovered since.

    He wants a big political job, and doesn't care who he steps on to get there. You see what he did to me.

    Well, Griswell. I suppose you don't care about all that.

    I'll get you the 10 bucks, OK?

  3. I'm getting a bit misty. It's not often someone grasps the true depth of my shallowness. It's a magical season after all.

    Make it out to "cash". I have taxes to avoid.

  4. GA

    Agree with you. The slimeball/greaseball factor ship has sailed on him.


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