Timmy: "Don't Disenfranchise the Dead"

In a bold move by the Occhiipinti Campaign, they have just issued the following statement:

Occhipinti: Lenz Board of Elections HHA Ballot Investigation a scandalous attempt to disenfranchise the dead

In what can only be described as a calculated attempt to suppress the rights of the dead, the campaign of Michael Lenz has demanded that the Hoboken Housing Authority (HHA) turn over “a complete list of all living HHA residents.” Independent 4th ward city council candidate Tim Occhipinti called the demand, “a blatant attempt to intimidate the least-living of our ward’s residents.”

“This kind of bigotry is shameful even for a campaign that has set a new standard for shamefulness,” said an outraged Occhipinti. “To suggest criminality about anyone simply because they're six feet under, and to demand that the resident’s landlord turn over personal information to a political campaign, is blatant discrimination. Michael Lenz would never make such an outrageous demand from a living and breathing resident anywhere else in the city.”

“Make no mistake, this is a desperate attempt to try to intimidate deceased public housing residents into staying away from the polls. Fifty years ago they used ‘Literacy Tests.’ Today, it’s data mining in public housing to see whether voters are still in fact alive,” added Occhipinti. “Voting rights are as guaranteed for someone in the cemetary as they are for anyone on Monroe Street."

Occhipinti pointed to a pattern of continued disrespect and disregard of cold and stiff public housing residents by the administration. “This dead community needs economic opportunity,” added Occhipinti, who has hired workers from public housing to help promote his campaign. “My family had a couple of dead people, and I know what it’s like to have their civil rights trampled on. I won’t stand by and watch my decomposing neighbors be stigmatized. Michael Lenz, someone has to stand up for the voting rights of the no-longer-living. And that's me, Tim Occhipinti. Some have called me brain-dead, and I'm proud of it.”

Finally, the Occhipinti Campaign produced the Ouija board above to show how simple it was to divine the choice of dead voters.


  1. While we at Reached-For-Comment are a news organization and do not take sides in elections, we applaud Mr. Occhipinti's strong stand on enfranchising the dead.

    More than any other demographic, the dead really have time to think things over; they have the proverbial 'long view'. We can only benefit from their guidance - and their votes.

    Too often society only pays lip-service to the dead, which, in addition to being incomparably gross, is a poor substitute for truly valuing the counsel of the ages.

    The name alone seems to be used as an excuse to deny them access to the franchise, decent seating in restaurants, homes in better neighborhoods. Don't believe it? When's the last time you noticed the nice couple at the next table were dead? How many of your neighbors are dead? Coincidence? Or conspiracy!

    Have you also noticed that pre-owned cars are somehow just better than used cars? Isn't that the way out of this shameful forest of discrimination? Renaming the victim? That's actually standard historical practice; look it up.

    Why not then refer to the pre-living? Couldn't that be a check-box in voter on the registration form? Wouldn't bring-out-your-dead political rallies be ultra-cool? And what about the bumper stickers: "I'm dead - and I vote."

    God bless you, Mr. Occhipinti, for shining a light in the worm-ridden crawl space under the house and inviting democracy to at last make itself at home along with uncle Forest and aunt Laverne, whose names are still on the PSE&G bill (shhhh..)

    Keep death alive!
    Keep death alive!
    Keep death alive!

    Oh, and Happy Halloween from RFC.

  2. And don't forget to vote early and often. The dead probably have more time on their hands than we do.


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