Sully, you S.O.B.
You promised to take me to Beth Mason's 50th Birthday Party last night at LUA... I was so excited I even combed my hair, plucked my eyebrows, shaved my legs, wore my best party frock then waited.. and waited... and waited...
But you never showed up. You louse.
In my despair I downed a bottle of Jack Daniels, a six pack, eleven Xanax, and would have blown my brains out if my gun were real and not a toy.
So, let's hear your excuse, buddy.
And anyone who made the Mason gala, please share.
Sully, this one has potential: "I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD."
ReplyDeleteAw, Jeez. Now the XY's are tag-teaming against the XX.
ReplyDeleteWell, I've heard all those before and I'm NOT buying.
Well it worked when John Belushi said it to Carrie Fischer. But, Sully, you have to really throw yourself into it. Watch the movie clip first.
ReplyDeleteGA how many times to have to tell you a bottle of Jack and yoga are a bad combination - is that beer too? What do you call that pose anyway?
ReplyDeleteIt's on page 872 of the Kama Sutra... it's called "The Nutcracker".
ReplyDeleteInfome,
ReplyDeleteI don't have the eyebrows John had. I'm just hoping that GA doesn't have the flame thrower, rocket launcher and M-16.
I think she was being polite when she quouted from the Kama Sutra -- Ball Buster might be more like it.
The question is: should she give me another chance to make it up?
Sully
ReplyDeleteI warned you.......
I know K, I know
ReplyDeleteSully, my experience is pretty much as follows.
ReplyDelete1) They never forget.
2) Nothing works.
3) We don't let that stop us, the alternative being even less appealing than the inevitable failure to change 1 or 2.
Hold the phone, boys.
ReplyDeleteRemember who the victim is (me) and who the perp is (Sully).
Now, Sully. Should I deign to give you a second chance, how will you make it up to me? I spilled bourbon all over my dress and got sick on my Jimmy Choos.
I don't suppose you have any suggestions as to how I should make amends?
ReplyDeleteOf for goodness sake, get with it:
ReplyDeleteFor GA from AS:
Al's swag bag from Mason event
Quart of Ben & Jerry's
1 doz. long stem roses
foot massage
For Al:
big health portion of crow
plenty of loose talk about never doing anything like that again
C'mon, this ain't rocket science, Romeo
Hey Al, between you, me and the lamp post, and for your own safety, before launching into ANY excuses with GA, I would devise some clever, surreptitious way to have GA pass through a metal detector. Just an idea.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're damn well told you should mention early and often how much she is going to enjoy the next Hudson Reporter mixer.
Remember, the ramifications are massive. "Scorched earth policy" doesn't even begin to cover the wages of failure. Oh BTW, before you go, lets just get a few quick shots of you sitting in this 10 foot diameter punch bowl we happen to have over here. Long story, I'll tell you over a beer next time. Cheers.
ply, you really think that two-timer went to the Mason party without me?
ReplyDeleteYou know, you might be onto something.
I heard this rumor that he DID show up with a date... another blogger in town who according to my source "had a horse face". And all night, he plied his date with carrot juice cocktails and hay appetizers.
Who could he have taken instead of me?
I am really upset now. Is this true, Al?
Yeah, Al, and why the long face? The party was a wild night-mare for sure, B.S.ing 'till you were hoarse, but I think you should be in stable condition by now.......
ReplyDeleteSully
ReplyDeleteI am sure that a great piece exposing the vote buying fraud in the 4-4 would go a long way to getting you out of the dog house. :) GA is a sucker for a crusading journalist. It's this Lois Lane/Clark Kent thing that she has.
I did not go to Beth's party with anyone. I didn't even know horse was a girl -- because I haven't call horse like I promised. If Beth was giving ben and jerries and such, I would have gone. As for plying anyone with carrot juice... I guess that might work.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm still up for making amends.
I don't know, Sully.
ReplyDeleteI'd suggest a gift of rose petals and a garter, and we'll take it from there.