They're heeeeere... the ANTS!

Each Spring arrives at my place in an ant explosion; thousands, millions, billion of ants, armies on the march, mocking me and my impotent plastic traps.

Yes, they laugh at the poison hockey pucks, scamper over and around them on their way to any stray bits of food not encased in plastic wrap. Squish one, and three more appear. Flick one off your dinner and it lands in the bread basket. Sweep them up and they procreate in the garbage can. It's no use. There's no way to stop Them.

Does anyone else suffer a similar yearly onslaught?

(still photo from the 1954 Sci-Fi flick, "Them", about irradiated, giant-sized ants breeding in the New Mexico desert-- similar in size, determination and viciousness to the ones I host each year)

(Updated April 2, 2:15pm)

A reader sent me this enthusiastic endorsement for fixing my ant problem, which I'll pass on:

fyi.....absolutely gar-ooon- teeeeddd!!! miracle against even the strongest Hoboken ant, get it at the A&P :)

Now, this reader sounds giddy to me, but I guess that's because it "starts killing the bastards in hours" like the box says. Well, I added "the bastards" part. I'll give it a whirl.

(Updated, April 2, 5:00pm)

Oh, my goodness! I just came back home and in my absence, the Death Fairy paid me a visit and left a box of this Combat stuff at my door! Thank you oh, Fairy of Ant-Suffering!

I so appreciate it! Just for that, I will see if I can grab some pics of the little varmints twisting around in their death agony and post them, just for you!

Bless you, mysterious Angel of Destruction!


  1. Is it any coincidence the ants arrived the same week you received the Mason "I'll keep telling my big fat budget lie because I'm rich and no one can stop me" mailer,the Maureen First Real-SPAM-Results email and the Real-Lies-for-Results flyer? Remember the saying, "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action."

  2. Dear Death Fairy,

    Thank goodness, I read the box before dousing my floors and furniture with your thoughtful gift! Did you know it kills pets and humans, too? That stuff is genocide in a box. Wow.

    Well, I will try it in those hard-to-reach spots, if I can reach them... anyway, your poison shall not go to waste.

    Best regards,


Post a Comment