Saturday, November 8, 2014

Possum Fever Sweeps Hoboken

From a reader:

Beth missing on a great economic development opportunity here!


Canned possum is sold in Hoboken?  With coon fat gravy?

I like mine fresh.

In fact, GA discovered that possum is widely eaten, most often in the rural South.  But there's no reason that urban dwellers like us can't chow down on a tasty Possum Pot Pie  or heaping plate of Possum and Taters

Those are real recipes GA found online in The Possum Cookbook.   

First things first.  In order to EAT (fresh) possum, you have to CATCH one.  One way to catch a possum is to hang around Beth Mason's neighborhood, because in her own words:
"In our neighborhood, everything from the ground hogs to the raccoons to the possums that are out. I had two possums out in the daytime. That's NOT good."
No, no, that IS good!  If you want to eat one. 

So your chances of catching a possum in Mason's neighborhood are excellent, because it's infested with dog-eating possums, monster raccoons and dead squirrels (which make nice appetizers.)   But most Americans don't live near Beth Mason, so here are instructions published in The Possum Cookbook:

Since all the recipes here involve possum, I figured it might be worth it to include a section on how to get your hands on one. I know of several ways to catch a possum. Perhaps the easiest is to simply drive around for a while in your truck. The problem will soon resolve itself. (SCCRRRREEEEEEECCHHH!!. . . SPLAT. . .) 

Much more fun, however, is to take your dogs and shotgun, and go into the woods and hunt one down. The advantage to this method is that you don't have to scrape the possum off the pavement. The disadvantage is that you do have to worry about shotgun pellets in the meat. (OUCH! Dadgum it! There went my best tooth!) 

Not to mention that a shotgun blast can really mess up the hide, which makes it a lot harder for the taxidermist. It is also possible to set traps to catch a possum, but this method is notoriously unreliable. Possums like to stay in the trees, and you're much more likely to catch something else. (Hey, Ed! There's something in the trap! See them bushes moving? Let's see what it is! . . . OH, $#&@! IT'S A SKUNK!!) 

 Another thing you might want to take into consideration is that possums are scavengers. They eat anything. If a possum is in the road, chances are he's there looking for lunch. Therefore, it's best to catch them alive if at all possible and feed them corn for a few days to clean them out real good before eating them. You just don't know whose garbage they've been into. After all, you wouldn't want to eat something that's been eating Aunt Edna's leftovers, would you? You know, she's the one who brings that stuff that nobody ever touches to the family reunion. (Hey, man, what IS that stuff? I think it's still alive!) 

 Possums are also notoriously hard to kill, and they, well, play possum if they feel threatened. (That's why they're called possums!) I remember hearing about someone who had a possum get in his garage one time. He was real mad about something, and having a possum rooting around in his garage making a mess just made it worse, so he took after that thing with a shovel. The possum never had a chance. He did have to chop its head off to make sure it was dead; otherwise they just get up and walk off. It was real strange; right after he beheaded the possum, lightning or something struck the garage, blowing out all the lightbulbs and giving him quite a shock. (If you don't get the joke here, don't worry.) 

Please note that we're talking about the North American opossum here. There is a species of possum (spelled without the leading "o") native to Australia which is endangered. It is strictly illegal to hunt, trap, or kill an Australian possum. However, this same species is reportedly a nuisance in New Zealand, so if you see one there. . . bon appetit! 

Of course, if you take this page seriously anyway... you might be a redneck. That ought to get you started. Now, on to the recipes... 
I don't know... that canned possum is sounding better...

3 comments:

  1. Its interesting that possum gather in Masons neighborhood. I live in the fifth ward and have never seen even one possum or monster raccoon. Maybe Beth lets garbage pile up in her ward which will attract critters and all types of vermin. Unlike Beth Mason, Peter Cunningham keeps sanitary living conditions in his ward.

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    1. Good point. I've never heard of possum, ground hog, monster racoons or any kind of vermin infestations in other wards. Giatino makes sure we have sanitary living conditions here inthe 6th. It's shocking and disgusting how sanitary conditions in the 2nd appear to have deteriorated on Mason's watch. Now her constituents are being terrorized by dog-eating monster racoons and possum, she says. I wonder if Russo and Castellano's wards are overrun by racoon-monsters and dog-eating possums, too?

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  2. Never for a moment would I defend "the Hetty Green of Hudson Street" or her "Mayor Zimmer is at fault because she cut back on garbage pickup" but the racoons are active in and around that area(I live in the charming "creature's" hood). Had them climbing down my fire escape and have seen them climb up trees. Three things to remember about racoons: 1. They get into your house they'll wreck the place. 2. Known rabies carrier. 3. If you corner them they will go postal on you and/or any domestic pets. I recommend full on Marine assault brigade with tactical nukes in reserve. P.S. Leave the possums alone!!!!!

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