Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Attention, Ricky Mason!

You were right about her (um....me).  

Here's PROOF that GA is a serial killer.


Aaaaaaargh! Cut down in the prime of life...those Twinkies never had a chance.

Ricky, I know you're a busy guy.  So I've written  your next letter for you... just copy-paste:

I wish to comment on Ms. Nancy Pincus’s Twinkies that she posted on her Grafix Avenger Internet blog in late September.. My wife, Councilwoman Beth Mason, and I were on vacation in August with my BlackBerry, telephone, laptop and numerous other devices providing global wireless communication at the time, and so now is my first opportunity to react publicly.


In her cake,  Ms. Pincus states that she has always wanted to bake someone, and that she would like to bake 4 Twinkies and throw them in the garbage if no one wants to eat them. We presume it’s our garbage.  


The United States Constitution allows each and every one of us to bake the greatest, or the most appalling, cakes. Our First Amendment right of free speech is what sets this country apart from, say, Syria, where you can be shot in the street for calling on the president to bake, or North Korea, where if you complain about hunger you can go to prison for life.


But with our First Amendment right, comes a responsibility of the same order, especially if the speaker is a political baker-  like Ms. Pincus. We may all have sharp disagreements on recipes but we should never suggest to resolve them by eating our Twinkies. Ms. Pincus’s cake, available for all to see on the Internet, violated the most basic trust that the public puts in our bakers, to bake wisely and behave in a manner that does not encourage or incite cannibalism.


Ms. Pincus is a close ally of Mayor Zimmer, who likes to bake, too and the council majority. She is a member of the Zoning Board, on which she never bakes. In spite of that, her cooking demonstrates that, at a minimum, she does not have the demeanor to judge her fellow residents recipes, particularly if they favor healthy ingredients instead of candy or ones that are high-calorie. I am appalled that neither the mayor nor the majority have lifted a finger to remove her from her kitchen, nor have they said anything about her public hankering to use a weapon to cut those helpless Twinkies, other than, in the case of the council majority, to laugh it off as a joke. The mayor herself has said not a word.  No, she's got her mouth full of birthday cake.


Ms. Pincus says that her cake was for her child's birthday.  But let me ask this: what if the same cake was baked by a high school student, who said on-line that he would love to bake someone? Maybe a Twinkie? Or a Devil Dog?  Perhaps even a Ring Ding?  Would we think it was funny then? Would we sit by and do nothing?


Appalled,
Ricky Mason

Does that work for you, Ricky?

Timmy, when you call your HPD buddies for your next 'favor' show them that grisly crime scene photo.

And for everybody's pet weasel-with-the-easel: a high resolution version will be available for show time tonight.  And you know he'll be bringing his best buttery-smooth baritone and his BlackBerry to put words in Beth Mason's mouth.

17 comments:

  1. Twinkicide. And that cake was so young. So much to live for...

    I'm glad you've posted a shrill and irrational letter on behalf of Ricky in case he's too busy to write something as shrill and irrational as he did last week. Someone had to do it. And Lane will be busy writing something shrill and irrational for Beth to read off her blackberry tonight.

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  2. Timmy O. is finding this very offensive because he is very serious about losing weight...i'm sure he will twitter us about it asap....

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  3. Overheard: "When confronted with the fact that the Hoboken hospital had no bread for the staff and patients, the e-mailed reply was "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche"."

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  4. you beat me to it! it's twinkiegate, LOL!!

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  5. Sweet JAM, with those half baked ideas, the icing on the cake will be that their just desserts will soon be forked over. But JAM, don't spread it around yet. However, I heard the hospital fiasco was deemed the "blue, very shortbread scandal".

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  6. Sorry, JAM!

    I was inspired by that pic of the Twinkie Massacre...

    Forgive me?

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  7. Wow! Ricky Mason's head will explode when he reads this on his Wachtell Lipton Blackberry! He is, after all, a very distinguished Partner in a very prestigious law firm. Nobody makes fun of Ricky Mason, ever! Let's see how he reacts to this one. I wouldn't be surprised if he responds in a manner similar to that of his deranged wife, which is to order the Mason Minions to find a way to trash GA.

    P.S. I hope you had a Fun Birthday, LA!

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  8. rudydawg, great minds think alike.

    I'm having a box of Twinkies delivered to Mr. Mason at Wachtell Lipton Rosen & Katz this afternoon, wrapped with a big red bow and a card from me.

    Did you know 1-800-FLOWERS delivers Twinkies, too?

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  9. how sweet it is, p1y! and yes, GA, no hard feelings. you did a better job than i could have anyway!

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  10. I sure am, plywood.

    And I'm having a pallet of Twinkies delivered to the City Council tonight... for all meeting attendees, City Council members and of course all other City employees.

    Somebody tell Timmy it's BOYM (Bring Your Own Milk).

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  11. Don't do it, GA! Because then when the hospital goes south, the Old Guard will employ the "twinkee defense"! But if you do, please stop by over at Marty O'Brien's: http://www.hobokenhorse.com/2011/09/horse-sense-hospital-survival-enters.html#IDComment196258489

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  12. Oh yeah? I'm up for a drinking game. Does beer go with Twinkies?

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  13. O my God they still have their eyes open! I think I'm gonna be sick.

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  14. That's the funniest letter ever!
    I can't stop cracking up-or reading it!

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  15. I always knew you were truly evil. Those Twinkies never had a chance.

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  16. Twinkies are the only things with a longer shelf-life than Mason's wardrobe

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