Thursday, January 5, 2017

Emnet Ed and the 3 Witches: a Fairytale



Chapter 1
Once upon a time in Hoboken, a 4th ward resident had an idea.

It was a big idea.  An idea that could possibly alter the course of regular flooding on the city's west side.  The resident's name was Ed.  The year was 2008.

Ed brought his idea to his 4th Ward council person who later became Mayor. Ed's idea was a flood mitigation technology called "Emnet."

Emnet is a wireless system of sensors installed on the under-side of manholes, that was developed in a land far, far away called Indiana.

Ed believed Emnet could coordinate operation of Hoboken's (future) pumps with actual conditions in the flood-prone areas of Hoboken rather than basing control on conditions in the areas of the pumps (which tend not to flood).   Ed discovered that Emnet could also control combined sewer overflows (which is what Hoboken has).

So, when Emnet Ed the Visionary brought his idea to his 4th Ward Councilwoman, Hoboken lived Happily Ever After... right?

Chapter 2
Wrong! 

3 witches, assorted warlocks, goblins and harpies were enraged!

They weren't enraged at Ed, but at the 4th Ward councilwoman who carried Ed's idea to Hoboken's legislative body, the City Council.

Why?

Because the 3 witches, assorted warlocks, goblins and harpies wanted to capture the 94 Washington Street castle to gain absolute control over Hoboken and its residents.

And only one person blocked them: the 4th Ward Councilwoman.

Well... one of the witches, Witch #1, was powerful because she possessed a magic wallet.  Witch #1 would tap her magic wallet and say "Ricky, I want [noun]" and POOF! gold doubloons a mile-high would appear.

So when Witch #1 did run for Mayor of the Land of Hoboken so did the 4th Ward Councilwoman!   

This made them rivals.  

Thus the three witches, assorted warlocks, goblins and harpies concluded that in order to destroy the 4th Ward Councilwoman, her flood mitigation plan (which originated with Ed) must be destroyed too.


Chapter 3
And so, Witch #1 gathered her coven.  With her henchman, a dull-witted amorphous blob of greasy fat called Igor the Fish, the three witches, assorted warlocks, goblins and harpies plotted and planned the downfall of Emnet.

First, Witch #1 used her black magic and turned Emnet into a football.

Then she tapped her magic wallet, and summoned a pile of gold doubloons.  The doubloons were spread to Igor the Fish and consultant-goblins because Witch #1 did not pay for friendship.  Instead of friendship, her magic wallet paid for a movie about the football named Emnet.

Witches #2 and #3 became the movie's directors.

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Witches #2 and #3 also directed a movie called 'Stop Hiding The Budget," starring an Evil Troll. 

Thanks to a Talking Horse, this copy has survived:



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In order to destroy Emnet, unelected members of the coven also participated remotely in government meetings!

Questions to elected officials to ask at government meetings could be conveyed through that dull-witted amorphous blob of greasy fat called Igor the Fish.   Igor was expected to forward the messages to Witch #1's Blackberry.



Sometimes Witch #1 would thwart the coven's will.

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Chapter 4
Dear Reader, it must be clear to you by now, that the Emnet flooding mitigation tool was always a proxy for the Councilwoman-turned-Mayor.

Her chief rival, Witch #1, turned Emnet into a football, other witches became flooding engineers, movie directors.... even professional cartoonists were enlisted to fight Emnet....

click to enlarge


As luck would have it,  the same witches, assorted warlocks, goblins, and dull-witted blob of greasy fat called Igor the Fish, who fought Emnetlater fought to shut down Hoboken's only hospital (another proxy for the Mayor).

Thank goodness, the Dark Side lost both wars.

Hoboken succesfully implemented Emnet in 2012.  Along with our city's new flood pumps, the quality of life for residents in areas that habitually flood such as the ShopRite, has noticeably improved.    

And that, Dear Readers, is The End of this tale.

Epilogue
Did you hear the news?  

The newest applicant to fill NHSA Commissioner Tony Soares' vacant seat is  Emnet Ed (Friedrich)!

Which leaves Hoboken with a trio of good, qualified candidates for NHSA: Leon Gold, Paul Blanos and Ed Friedrich!   

May the best man win, and that's no  fairytale. 

13 comments:

  1. I think Kim missed an opportunity in not using these emails in her slapp suit.

    Is she a political operative? Sure. But such a hapless, incompetent, simple-minded political operative. Should she have been adjudged a political operative under the circumstances? It was all "dress up and pretend." Should every fat slob who dresses up in a giants jersey be thought of as a member of the Giants and held responsible for their failures? Heck no. So why should a fat slob dressing up in an operative outfit be thought of as an operative?

    #FairIsFair. #TwinkiesForEveryone

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  2. GA, you failed to highlight the 4th candidate and what a strong candidate he is and that he probably has 5 votes...

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    1. You mean Pupie, or someone else? Who are the 5?

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    2. Frank believes he has the votes.

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    3. Frank always believes he has the votes until he doesn't.

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    4. I heard Peter C is 5th vote.

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  3. GA

    You are getting quite a lot of attention from the OG these days. You seem to be hitting home, and HARD, at their failed political stunts. BTW, the emails are a treasure trove and the gift that keeps on giving. Keep them coming.

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  4. I <3 SLAPP emails. Sara and Kim must dread what might come out each day, oh my.

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  5. Emnet worked! That's a fact.

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  6. New word for clueless? How about BETH? Run it up the flagpole Lane

    You jerkoff

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  7. Can someone explain the logic to me of suing people claiming you are not political operatives, then as part of that lawsuit you turn over thousands of emails proving that you are political operatives? How does that make sense?

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    Replies
    1. If logic is what mattered to those idiots, they never would have done 99% of the stupid crap they have done the last several years.

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  8. Oh no, Kim Cardinal's not a political operative! BWAAAA HAWWW HAWWW

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