Friday, February 13, 2015

Raised By Wolves


GA would like to applaud The Hoboken Reporter for respecting the First Amendment right of anonymous commenters to publish attacks on my parenting!

I have often pondered whether my child would be better off being raised by wolves;  it is only natural for others to do the same.  Wolves have sharp teeth and claws, and as such make excellent providers of red meat.  The prices at A&P prohibit GA from serving meat more than 3 times a week; with wolverine parents little GA would be eating less chicken and more entrails.  Further, wolves howl at the moon- something I've never tried.

There are disadvantages to child-rearing by wolves. They lack opposable digits (thumbs), so Little GA would never have played Cat's Cradle or Go-Fish with her Wolf- Mom. 

See what I mean?
Further, wolves run in packs and we only  have 1 bathroom. 

But, all-in-all, it is possible little GA would have been better off raised by wolves.  The Hoboken Reporter encourages such discourse;  Editor Caren Matzner respects the New Jersey Constitution more than anyone I know! That's why she has allowed numerous commenters to suggest DYFUS be called on me! 

Too late, Ms. Matzner- I've called them myself!  It is the least I could do, for depriving my kid of years of barking, entrails and howling at the moon.

DYFUS peeps, take me away!

No comments:

Post a Comment