Solved

What happened to the JESUS statue?
Photo: The Hoboken Journal

Do you like mysteries?

I don't.

I like to know whose hair is stuck in my cream cheese and why the mailman leaves my mailbox top open whenever it rains.

So when I heard from my gals in the Wallace playground that a statue of Jesus had gone missing from the front of The Academy of the Sacred Heart at 713 Washington... well...that drove me NUTS.

How does a statue just get up and walk off?

I mean, if anyone could perform a miracle like that it WOULD be Jesus... but why would he pick Hoboken?

Why pick a town where the hateful attack a person for an emotional conversation with a priest? The sanctity of such conversations should be respected. But they're not-- by a select few who crave the power of the mayor's office and the City Council majority.

So here's what I found in my Inbox today which solves the mystery of the missing religious statue:

The Catholic Church requires de-sanctification. That statue removal is part of it.

Oh!

Cut me some slack, people. I'm not Catholic. So the removal of the statue had nothing to do with the will of it's future tenant, The Hoboken Charter School, but was driven by the Catholic Church in it's conversion from a religious to a secular function.

Phew!

Now, perhaps this benign explanation will replace the opportunistic and cynical spin that's bound to come from the usual suspects.

(Updated 1:20 pm)
A lapsed Catholic friend just called to inform me that the statue was in fact of the Virgin Mary NOT Jesus, as another lapsed Catholic friend had informed me earlier today.

Yes, I checked in with a Catholic Consultant before writing this post, but that person apparently erred.

I did not change the above post, but I stand corrected.

10 Hail Marys.



(Updated 9/22/10, 9:00 am)
Oh, Jesus!

And I mean it this time.

Here's the email I received from my Catholic Consultant this morning:

Subject line: it seems jesus it is/was

If Margaret doesn't know no one knows.... I'm definitely doing penance for this one! Sorry for leading you astray. Never trust a lapsed Catholic!

The Hoboken Journal has the skinny on the statue's identity and fate (rescued, thank goodness), which my FORMER Catholic Consultant saw this morning. Now a few words for her.

Dear Catholic Consultant,

You are totally FIRED.

You need to do a couple dozen Hail Marys and get your ass in church once in a while. How about every blue moon?

Not only has your bad advice tainted my sterling reputation but you've got Jesus pissed off at me. This will have consequences for me in the Afterlife.

I'm not talking to you there, either.

Thanks a lot,
GA